In '68 I came down with what many flu researchers considered a "killer" flu. I was 14 years old, and it was the sickest I had ever been in my life. I was very frightened, and felt like I was drowning, there was so much fluid in my lungs. I begged my mother to take me to a doctor, but she refused. She was an RN, but didn't want to incur medical bills with me. The first week she brought home penicillin and kept injecting me with it. She claimed a doctor at the hospital where she worked gave it to her. It had no effect on me, and I kept getting worse. The second week she switched to Terymyacin, (please excuse my spelling.) I finally got better and went back to school 20 lbs. lighter and totally acne free, because of the big doses of antibiotics. I was never the same again, suffering from shortness of breath and weakness. I couldn't keep up with anyone in PE class. A few weeks after I returned to school I started suffering from an irregular heart beat, the attacks only lasting about 30 seconds, but very frightening to me. I told my mother about them, but she told me they were not happening, I was imagining them. I am now 49, and I still have these attacks. For years I would just sit there in fear, from 30 seconds to 3 minutes, waiting for the attack to stop. One day I read some article that said some people could stop the attacks just by coughing very hard. I tried that, and thank God, it worked. I finally learned how to make them stop. Maybe this "coughing" tip will help someone else. All my life I have lived a hand to mouth existence with minimum wage jobs and have never been able to afford health insurance. I have never had anyone check me out, it just costs too much money. I just live with it, since it doesn't appear that it will kill me. But I think it is a shame that in this country people go untreated because they just can't afford to buy care. That sucks. I have always felt bitter about that. My mother is now dead and beyond prosecution, so I feel I can now reveal what she did to me as a nurse. A degree in nursing doesn't prove much, if the person carries a degree of arrogance so insurmountable that it allows the person to neglect their own child. None of my siblings believe that this actually happened, they all love my mother and think I am lying. What a very lonely existence has been forced on me. Good luck to any who try to cope with this damn thing. My heart goes out to you, in more ways than one.

Cherise

Sorry to see that you've had to go through something that was not necessary. To know that your mother was in the medical profesion mmmmm dont think should call it that. She had no right to play with your health like that. I thought that there were places people could go if you couldnt afford to pay.

Yes i have been told when i had my first attack to cough and see if it converted as well by the ambulance crew, they are trained to do these things for several years now.

I hope that it doesn't affect your life to much. Stay in touch this is a wonderful site, with the best people around to give advice. Yes it is hard to confince family that you are telling the truth, showmthem this message board maybe if it happened to them they would have a different outlook. Show them this message board it could be the only way to prove to them you have suffered badly.
My Heart goes out to you Cherise

Babs

Cherise

I'm in Scotland.

I too had a Mum who was a nurse. She would always diagnose us herself. She said Dr's were far too busy and important to be bothering with sniffles and things. She did not like pills of any sort and we had to be at deaths door to get an aspirin. Although she did medicate us with antibiotics from time to time when she could not bring a fever down. Luckily my Uncle (not real one) was a pediatrician as when I had the measles aged 2 I nearly died and he popped in to see me daily. Believe it or not I have vivid recollections of this illness including out of body expriences and me and my Unlce spoke of this many a time since. My mother would not have us in a hospital. She would not go to hospital herself - except to work. She thought pills were given out to readily and always said they were a long term payoff. This is one thing I have to give her credit for. Didn't then. Mum stayed at home throughout her 10 year demise and was furious when my sister had to get a Dr as she was so worried and he put her in hospital. My sister just could not cope with her demands and critisism any longer and was scared she was going to die on her. She believed on the night she died she was coming home the next morning and was very spiteful to us all. Its hard to understand how one human being can have so much hate inside. But she must have been very frightened as she had no control, and she was a control freak. I cry for the life she could have had and how she made life so hard for herself and all those around her.

I suppose your Mum was doing what she thought best, even though her knowledge might have been flawed. There are a lot of very misguided people about and to understand you have to realise that her life was probably no bed of roses either. My mother was one of the misguided with a tyranical and intolerant view of life and people (ourselves included). It is so important for you to let go of the hurt and build on it so you can move on and not make the same mistakes. You are free of her now and free to be your own person. I wish you all the luck in the world. Read up on this site and learn how you can get some control over this syndrome. You will be amazed at what you can do for yourself

Fran