Can't get past the feeling that I'm going to die during episode

Hi all -
I'm a female, 56 years old, post CC Natale ablations (200&2001) for afib and PVC's.
My afib episodes terrify me. They wake me 99% of the time and I feel like I'm dying.
Once it's over the damage is all mental - like a F5 tornado.
I've spoke to Natale and team at st Davids but their thoughts are it's not bad enough yet
For my 3rd ablation. It crippled me as I don't participate in life because it might happen
Can anyone else relate?
Alice R

This is part of dealing with this disease for many with it.
The way I deal with it is to know I will die, it is just a matter of when.
My faith as a Christian helps because I believe the best is yet to come.
It is still a disruptive source of stress that you can learn ways to deal with.
Perhaps talk with your doctor for a referral for mental health help. If the doctor doesnt listen, find one that will listen.
I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Hello Alice - I am so sorry that your recurrent afib is debilitating. Everyone has his/her own way of coping and some do better than others. I'm glad you have come to this forum since getting support from 'kindred spirits' is a good way to get started in learning how to deal with the beast.

My focus was learning all I could about what I might be able to do to either lessen the intensity of the event or help prevent the frequency... and believe me, I 'rode out' a lot of nasty, prolonged events for a long time before I gave in to my first ablation in 2003 (also at the CC with Dr. Natale). While I was concerned, I never had the fear of dying as I have always felt, when it's time for my 'next assignment,' then that's the way it will be and I look forward to the adventure.
But, I can totally understand your fears. Long ago, an afibber used to call me at the onset of every event, weeping - as he was just terrified. We would talk and he would regain stability. The fact that he felt he was about to die, totally disrupted his life. Eventually, he went for an ablation and life went on.

My focus was to find natural remedies that might help me lessen the impact of an event.... either by shortening or just helping to relax and as I tried various suggestions, I learned about the value of "self-empowerment" rather than just curl up and tremble. I had a "power basket" of nutritional supplements that I had researched and found to have the potential to help. I developed a ritual or protocol that I'd use at the onset...which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't, but it helped take the edge off and often I could just fall asleep. Sometimes, I'd awaken in blessed NSR and other times, I'd know I'd probably have to go for cardioversion.

I learned deep breathing methods for calming (Buteyko or Eucapnic breathing) and more recently, "tapping" or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Even without Afib, these stress-coping practices are truly amazing.... especially if you also add in calming Essential Oils, herbals, the heart support nutrients such as magnesium, potassium, taurine along with the relaxing amino acid, L-theanine as well as PharmaGaba. Moreover, they offer the empowering feeling that helps offset the doomsday fears.

I'll be happy to share my protocols with you. Many are in past posts, but it may be easier if you send me a PM... click at the top of the post.

We are all here to help guide you and offer our support, so welcome, Alice. You are not alone.

Kind regards,
Jackie

How long do your episodes last, and do you take any drugs to help slow down your Heart during AFIB?

Hello ajr, glad to meet you but sorry it had to be in these circumstances. Afib terrifies everybody at first, its not just you. Do you know how many episodes of afib you have had so far? Maybe it would help you to say to yourself that you have had this thing happen"x" number of times already [substitute the number of afib episodes you have had for the"x"] and it did not kill me those times so maybe it won't kill me this time either?

Also, maybe it would help to count up the number of different people posting messages here, If they are posting messages then they are not dead yet. Afib did not kill them no matter how many terrifying episodes of afib they have had. Afib does not usually kill people,

One of the things that helped me to make some peace with the yammering fear in my head was to get used to the idea that I -meaning me, myself- I will die someday. It is not something to be in terror of, but is a natural part of being alive. We are born and we live a while and then we die, like the flowers in the garden. Like the oak trees, like the elephants, like the great whales in the oceans. Like all other living things,we are alive here in the world for a time, and then we die. I do not know what comes next if anything but surely i will find out when it happens.

I garden, and that helps me to maintain a sense that all is as it should be. Every fall i get my young cousin to cover my little garden beds next to the porch with the locust leaves my neighbor rakes up from his row of locust trees, and every spring after the snow melts off i get that same young cousin to cover those leaves with dirt sifted from the compost heap in the woodshed, and then i plant a 6 pak of baby tomato plants right into the layers of leaves and dirt and the last years' layers of leaves and dirt. The young plants grow like Jack's beanstalk and in due time cover themselves with fruit, so much of it that i send bags of little golden tomatoes to my neighbors on each side [i plant the variety Sungold for their eat-out-of-hand sweetness] just so as not to have them spoil uneaten here. There are too many for me to consume them all.

I t seems strange to address a person by a collection of initials like ajr, but i suppose those are your initials, and they could as easily stand for Annie Jean Rogers [Alma Jo Robinson?] as for anything else. I will think of you as Annie Jean until told something else. My name is Peggy Merrill. It is not a secret and i do not care who knows it. I am not wanted by the police as far as i know and if i am then my address is well known to them and they can come and get me whenever they want to, i am not in hiding from them or from anybody else. I am sorry if you are hiding from somebody and have to conceal your name. Many women have real bad exhusbands and have to hide from them. I am sorry if that is your circumstance. I will help you if i can do so,

Please do keep in touch with us here at the bulletin board. People post here from all over the world and from all walks of life and whatever questions you have, there will be somebody reading and posting here who will know something about whatever it is and will answer you. Afib is a nasty affliction and i am sorry you have to deal with it. Sometimes it is helpful to talk with other people who are coping with the same illness, so you are not alone with it. I hope we can help you that way if no other.

PeggyM

PeggyM
Please read my post again. You will see I sign off with my name so there is no need to make up a name for me.
Not sure I can relate to your post but if what you say works for you
That's great. Me...I want to live much longer than 56 - assuming your garden analogy was equal to the death of a wife, Mother and grandmother, which is what I am. I have a family
That I want to make many more memories with.
Take care
Alice R

Alice,

You're not going to die. And if Dr Natale is your EP, I'm sure he will be there to take care of a 3rd ablation if in fact such is necessary. In the meantime, try the supplementation route Jackie has suggested if you aren't already doing it. Not participating in life is a terrible price to pay for this darn thing we know as AF. I hope that's not the case for very long.

Yes, as a 44year old wife and mother, I can definitely relate to what you are describing. I too become completely incapacitated while in Afib and am unable to do anything due to a very high heart rate, lightheadedness, nausea, chest pain, the whole bit. I would then be cardioverted in the ER and then it would take at least 2 weeks before my mental "grip" was back to normal. Yes, I too felt like I was dying, especially when the rate would get high enough for me to almost pass out and then my defibrillator would go off. Nothing like a cardio version when your awake to make one walk around afraid of one's own heart! Also, before I do anything I find myself asking the question, "what will I do if while I am doing this activity and I go into Afib? What will people think? Where can I lie down? How will I get home?" Because of my issues, I went to a therapist who practices cognitive behavioral therapy and learned some great coping skills. Also the EFT tapping that Jackie mentioned is helpful as, I believe, are the Mg and K supplements. I finally did have a third ablation and have not had a run of it yet. However, even a few fast beats and I immediately freak out thinking Afib is coming and " what will I do." My husband is a big help with his practical opinion, but I'm often still scared. It is a daily battle, but I am determined not to miss out on my life.
One day after admitting to my therapist that before I do ANYTHING,I ask myself, "what if I go into Afib while doing this," and his answer was that I should ask myself, "what if I don't?" Then imagine how nice the activity or day while be. That helped me a lot.
Also, trying not to dwell on it is very big. Anything you can do to get your mind off of it is good. I takes time and it's almost like PTSD as far as I can tell. Give yourself a break, it is traumatic. Talk to a therapist, talk to your friends. Get to know your neighbors. It will help.
Good luck to you. I do hope you find the tools to help you deal with things. But, I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Also, check your library for books on mindfulness, also a really great tool that I first learned about in a cardiac rehab group. Terry Frailich was the teacher / author. 5 Core Skills of Mindfulness? I think is the title.
Most of all, breathe.

Forgive me for not reading as carefully as i should have done, Alice. In my own defense i can only say that i just got out of the hospital 2 days ago, pneumonia this time instead of the usual bronchitis. Sick and weak and shaky, i think i should have stayed longer in the hospital. Too late to think about that now, got to deal with what i have got and not what i wish i had.

That garden business was not meant to be an analogy, but just something that helps me maintain a sense of being connected to the great wheel of life. Winter is cold and white, frozen and ice covered and dangerous to walk on,. but spring does come and the world turns green again and the sun returns and the dandelions turn every field and lawn to brilliant gold.

The older i get the faster the year goes by. Even cold old winter does not really last very long now. The glacier on top of the garden beds is actually right now getting smaller. I can see over the top of it, which i could not do after the last snowfall. This snowpile that i am calling a glacier is really the piled-up snow that has been shoveled off the porch during this last winter. It hangs around longer than the rest of the snow because it has been compacted by being shoveled into a pile. If one tries to move it again it reveals itself to have hardened to ice rather than snow. The water from its gradual melting seeps down thru last year's covering of nitrogen bearing locust leaves, leaching nutrients down into the layers below, The tomato roots take up all they need from it and convert it to leaves and branches and fruit. After the frost kills the plants they are pulled out and laid on top to decay in their turn. All is returned to the earth and then sent up again. Life goes on.

To return to afib episodes, i hate them. They do indeed feel like i will die from them, but here i am still alive after they are gone. If you are still able to tell how many you have had [and i do not know whether you can tell that] then you must not have had very many. I have lost count long ago. None of them has proved fatal so far. They still terrify me altho i am better able to conceal this terror from medical people that i may encounter during an episode. I can explain that i am having an afib episode. I can tell myself that this thing will go away and i will still be alive afterward. I avoid emergency rooms as a rule because they often do not seem to know any more about afib episodes than i do, if as much. They are usually unable to do anything to shorten the episode. Better i should stay home and wait for the episode to terminate on its own. Always so far they have eventually gone away, leaving me still alive.

PeggyM

Thank you Linda - I too have a very fast ventricular response
Which makes our afib mentally debilitating.

Hi Jackie - I will pm you

Peggy:

It is nice to hear from you, sorry that you had pneumonia but glad that you are home.

I can relate to your post, I too am a gardener, i love to be outside planting watching everything grow and then the harvest. A long time ago i read a book that was based on your premise of seeds being planted, growing then giving up their harvest and then dying, the same with us. We do the best we can and hope that is good enough perhaps as we get older our mind set is different. Fear makes everything worse, I remember the first few times I got AF i was afraid which made my condition worse, I found this site and read that many people have this condition and survive, the episodes then became less scary and more tolerable.

Good health to you Peggy
Liz

The people that I know of that are traumacized by AFIB, have a HR when in AFIB. Do you know what your HR is during an episode? Do you take any drugs to help with the symptoms of AF during an episode? How long do your episodes last?

With only knowing a limited amount about you, it sounds like you could to focus on reducing your AF symptoms, and on researching out that AF is not normally acutely life-threatening, especially if the episodes are short. Focus on what you can do to help yourself, not so much on how bad the episodes are making you feel.

Dear Alice

Yes, I can certainly relate.

I am sitting here way over the other side of the world in Oz having been in AF for 12 hours. Heart rate around 145-180, all over the shop. Feel like I have a half a dozen giant fish in my chest. It's hot here today and I just can't get comfortable. Chest pain, arm pain, dizzy, nauseous. You know...all the usual suspects.

It is scarey and I do think I'm going to croak it sometimes, or maybe I will throw a clot and end up lying on the floor until someone finds my remains weeks later. Or worse maybe I will become a vegetable and end up not being able to function.

But after 15 years of it I'm still here so I've become a bit philosophical about it all. I can only live each day as it comes around and try and enjoy it.

In some ways you are lucky because you have greater opportunities where you live to achieve a cure, if a cure is possible. Over here It's a bit different.

Good things to do are put on some headphones and listen to some good music, nothing too exciting mind 😋 Sip a glass of water. Do some deep breathing exercises and try and relax.

And of course talk to your Dr if you think that will help.

This is a great site, and over the years it has soothed my troubled mind time and time again.

Take care, be peaceful but determined.

Regards

Joy